Skinny Read online

  “The ‘need’ to be thin continues to plague American girls, and Laura L. Smith tackles this tough topic in her debut teen novel with thoughtfulness and style. Girls are going to relate to Melissa and her struggle to ‘look good’”

  –MELODY CARLSON, best-selling Christian author

  “Melissa is a vibrant teen who teaches readers signs of an eating disorder and the value of spirituality in working through the treatment. Skinny is powerful because it heightens the awareness of eating disorders—the key to early diagnosis and treatment, which translates to improved adolescent wellness. Thank you, Laura Smith, for empowering young women!”

  —DR. MICHELLE NAEGELE, former chief of staff, McCullough Hyde Memorial Hospital

  “Adolescent readers will appreciate this true-to-life account of the ambivalence, pain, and emotional struggle of living with an eating disorder. The seemingly ‘normal’ drive to achieve, win the favor of a young man, and please one’s parents is captured in a readable text that does not underplay the real consequences and health risks that accompany eating disorders. The importance of spiritual connection, not always portrayed in similar stories, is an added bonus.”

  —JULIE CAMPBELL-RUGGAARD, PhD, LPCC, RN

  “A real story for real girls. If you’ve ever felt overwhelmed by schoolwork, relationships, your friends, or activities, you need to read this book.”

  —HEATHER GEMMEN WILSON, best-selling author

  Skinny

  She was starving to fit in…

  Laura L. Smith

  Copyright © 2014 Laura L. Smith

  Smashwords Edition

  Status Updates

  Originally published by NavPress, 2008

  All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced in any form without written permission.

  Cover design by: Angela-Designs.com

  Cover photography by: Kelci Alane Photography

  This novel is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are either the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events, locales, organizations, or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental and beyond the intent of either the author or publisher.

  Unless otherwise identified, all Scripture quotations in this publication are taken from the Holy Bible: New International Version (NIV). Copyright c 1973, 1978, 1984, by International Bible Society. Used by permission of Zondervan Publishing House. All rights reserved.

  Summary: When the pressures of having good grades, friends, a position on the dance team, and a boyfriend become too much for Melissa, she turns to disordered eating to attempt to regain control.

  eBook ISBN-10: 0-99115259X

  eBook ISBN-13: 978-0-9911525-9-9

  [Anorexia nervosa—Fiction, Eating Disorder—Fiction, Self image—Fiction, Dance—Fiction, High school—Fiction, Dating—Fiction. Christian life—Fiction, Romance—Fiction.]

  This book is for Tina, Kristen, Carrie, and anyone struggling with an eating disorder. I carry your stories around in my heart. Remember that God made you in His image, and therefore, you are beautiful.

  Table of Contents

  Cover

  Praise for Laura Smith

  Title Page

  Copyright Page

  Dedication

  Acknowledgments

  Chapter One

  Chapter Two

  Chapter Three

  Chapter Four

  Chapter Five

  Chapter Six

  Chapter Seven

  Chapter Eight

  Chapter Nine

  Chapter Ten

  Chapter Eleven

  Chapter Twelve

  Chapter Thirteen

  Chapter Fourteen

  Chapter Fifteen

  Chapter Sixteen

  Chapter Seventeen

  Chapter Eighteen

  Chapter Nineteen

  Chapter Twenty

  Chapter Twenty-One

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  Chapter Twenty-Seven

  Chapter Twenty-Eight

  Skinny Discussion Guide

  Excerpt from Hot

  About the Author

  Acknowledgments

  Thank You to God for making the words flow from my fingertips. Thank You for the characters, the stories, the ideas You pop into my head and for the gift of writing. I pray both my writing and my life serve You.

  To my husband, Brett: Without you I would have never taken fingers to keys. Thank you for believing in me. Thank you for encouraging me. Thank you for being my cheerleader. But thank you mostly for loving me. This writer’s endless supply of words is not enough to thank you for being my partner in life or to express the expanse of my love for you.

  To my M&Ms, Maddie, Max, Mallory, and Maguire: You fill my days with inspiration, giggles, snuggles, and a constant reminder of God’s love. I love you as big as the ocean!

  To everyone at NavPress, especially Rebekah Guzman: Thank you for believing in the importance of Melissa’s story and for believing in me.

  To my editors, Amy Parker and Kathy Mosier: Thank you for enhancing, strengthening, and finessing my writing. You make it better than I ever could. Without you, Skinny would be scrawny.

  To my mom, Becca, and Bethany: Thank you for reading various parts of this manuscript in its working stages. Your comments helped guide Melissa where she needed to go.

  Chapter One

  Melissa posed as perfectly as a marble statue. Her head bent at a forty-five degree angle, her fingers spread equidistantly, rigid, and exactly in line with her thighs. The music pulsed in her veins. She inhaled and silently counted along with Todd.

  “Five, six, seven, eight.”

  Even though he was only five foot five, Todd had a booming voice that commanded the attention of every girl in the room. The rhythm of the music vibrated from the speakers on the church’s glossy gymnasium floor.

  Like a marionette brought to life by invisible strings, Melissa jerked her hands up, forming a V with her arms, snapped her head upright, and flashed a radiant smile.

  “And turn, six, seven, eight. Lift and lift and slide and slide,” Todd continued like a metronome. The pulsating beat pulled Melissa’s body back and forth.

  Abruptly, Todd’s solid muscular body relaxed. The coach turned his back to the group of girls and padded across the wooden floor to turn off the music. Since dance team was somewhere low on the priority list of varsity sports at Spring Hill High, they were allotted zero gymnasium time for practices. The school’s gym was designated for the football players, the basketball players, the track team, and the softball team, but not the dance team. Luckily, the church Melissa’s family attended allowed the girls to practice in their gym.

  “Okay, any questions? No? Good. Then let’s continue.” Todd’s dark skin shone with perspiration as he flawlessly demonstrated the next sequence. Tiny yellow beads woven into the ends of his cornrows bounced lightly against his strong shoulders, bulging from his gray tank top. His compact body moved effortlessly across the floor while his chocolate eyes kept constant contact with the team.

  Melissa replayed his every move in her head, trying to make his motions and words translate into her body’s executing the dance correctly.

  Feet pounded the floor. Arms stretched to the ceiling. Hips swayed.

  Melissa turned to the left.

  Everyone else turned to the right.

  Melissa missed bumping into Jill by a fraction of an inch. Jill was a junior who could kick higher than the rest of the team and had an attitude to match. Jill’s flawless pale skin and sleek black hair were reminiscent of Snow White, but Jill cert
ainly didn’t act like a fairy-tale princess. Jill shot Melissa a glare from her bright green eyes that could have come from an evil stepmother.

  Flames of shame pinched Melissa’s nose and ears. She caught her breath and stumbled to get back in step. How many of the others had seen her screw up? The other girls looked so pretty, so thin, so together. Melissa felt bulky and conspicuous, like an elephant stomping across the gym. Feel the music, she told herself.

  “Okay. That’s all for today,” Todd said between gulps of bottled water. “Not bad, but we have a lot to learn, ladies. We perform in two days.” Todd wiped drops of water from his manicured mustache.

  “Oh, and, girls, no cake between now and Friday. You want to look spectacular in your uniforms.” He winked.

  Sweat slid down Melissa’s forehead and stung her eyes. She tried to shrink inside her T-shirt. She darted for her dance bag, grabbed it, and walked as fast as she could until she was safe behind the girls’ room door. Protected by the wooden barrier, she pulled on her sweatshirt and yoga pants and exhaled.

  Finally her cumbersome body, the one that had turned the wrong way, the one Todd was clearly making the cake comment about, was covered. Tears threatened to escape from her eyes. Melissa waved her hand in front of her face in an attempt to fan her embarrassment and anger away. She peered into the full-length mirror and groaned at her reflection.

  Melissa slid into a stall and shut the door. She’d read about girls who threw up to lose weight. Melissa had thought about doing it before but never had the guts. How exactly should she do it? How would she position her body?

  Melissa knelt in front of the white toilet. Thankfully, her yoga pants provided a thin barrier between her knees and the germs and sludge on the once-white tiled floor. The stench of urine almost made her gag. She wouldn’t need to do much. Looking down at her hand, Melissa stuck out her index and middle fingers, ready to plunge them down her throat. Those two fingers could empty her of this feeling.

  Squeak! The bathroom door swung open.

  “Mel, is that you?” Lindsey asked.

  “Uh-huh.” Melissa felt her face burn with shame. She tried to stand and turn as silently as possible, then swung open the door.

  “Do you think there’s any way I’ll get this routine down by Friday night?” Lindsey rolled her eyes and smiled. The girls had met only about three months ago when they both made the Spring Hill High dance team. They had gone to different grade schools but had bonded immediately. They were inseparable at practice.

  Lindsey was Melissa’s physical opposite: five one and so tiny she could still buy her clothes from the kids’ department. Her blonde curls framed her pretty face and her pale blue eyes, which sparkled when she spoke. She looked like one of Melissa’s dolls she had dressed and fed when she was younger.

  Melissa was five nine. She usually wore her straight dark brown hair pulled back into a ponytail revealing her round face, forest green eyes, and the freckles that spotted her nose. Friends told her she was slender, but she described herself as “medium-sized.”

  “You’ll get it, Linds. You’re basically awesome.”

  “Hardly. I’m lucky to have even made this team.” Lindsey pushed open the restroom door with her back.

  “Right,” Melissa began. “I was the one who almost fell flat on my face. Todd moves so fast.”

  Just then, Jill sauntered through the door as if Lindsey were opening it for her.

  “Nice turns.” She nodded toward Melissa.

  “Nice makeup,” Lindsey whispered when they were out of earshot in the hallway, commenting on Jill’s overdone face. Lindsey looked around to make sure no one was listening, then gave Melissa a silent high five and whispered, “I don’t care what Jill thinks. We rock.”

  Melissa tried to imitate Lindsey’s confidence, but she was still humiliated by her misstep, and her hands shook from almost being caught in the bathroom. Rock was not a word to describe her, unless, of course, it was the round, heavy kind.

  Chapter Two

  Melissa shuffled into French class the next morning as the bell vibrated in her ears. There were no assigned seats in Monsieur Renauld’s class, but everyone sat in the same seats every day anyway. Melissa always sat in the second row all the way to the right. She could reach out and touch the whiteboard Monsieur Renauld used to post special notices. But today someone was sitting in her seat.

  A boy she didn’t recognize sat in her regular chair that was next to her best friend since second grade, Gracie. The stranger had square shoulders that looked like the bottom side of a triangle and dark, shiny hair that curled around his ears and the back of his neck. The seat immediately behind him was vacant because Jamal was absent today. Melissa slid into Jamal’s empty wooden seat and caught her breath.

  The new kid smelled nice, like . . . soap. That was it. Soap. Not the fruity, florally, jellybean-colored soaps that Melissa and her friends bought at the Bubble Bath Boutique but good, old-fashioned, clean-smelling soap.

  The boy turned and looked at her with round, coffee-colored eyes framed by thick, dark lashes Melissa would kill for. It was as if he had sensed her smelling him.

  Melissa leaned back and smiled.

  He smiled back, then turned to face the front as Monsieur Renauld said, “Bonjour, mes amis.”

  “Bonjour, Monsieur Renauld,” the class chanted in unison.

  Melissa stole a glance at Gracie. She and Gracie knew each other better than anyone else in the world, even their parents. She knew Gracie would be thinking the same thing she was. Gracie winked a narrow, dark eye at Melissa, then flipped her head, her sleek, black bob swinging onto her shoulders.

  Melissa’s silver charm bracelet jingled as she inadvertently raised her left hand to her mouth and nibbled her nails.

  “Class, I would like to introduce you to our new student,” Monsieur Renauld’s nasally voice droned. The teacher nodded toward the new boy.

  Melissa pulled her hand from her mouth, disgusted at her icky habit. She didn’t mean to bite her fingernails. She just did. Whenever she was bored in class, talking on the phone, or flipping through a magazine, those nubby nails seemed to end up between her teeth.

  I will quit chewing my nails this instant so this cute boy won’t see my stubby fingernails, she silently vowed.

  “This is Beau Pointreaux. He comes to us from New Orleans.”

  Beau gave a weak smile and quickly sank back into his chair.

  “Maintenant, nous sommes commençons avec les mots de Halloween.”

  Melissa’s mouth formed the correct pronunciation of the French words for ghost and pumpkin. She loved French class, partly because she was good at it. The rolling syllables felt natural to her tongue, not stilted as they were for most of her classmates. She also loved the idea of France: the scenes of beautiful people impeccably dressed, strolling down charming streets, and sipping foam-capped coffees at crowded cafés. Actually, she loved all of her classes, except Chemistry. What did atoms have to do with the rest of her life anyway?

  The scent of soap wafted her way again.

  He is so cute! Beau Pointreaux, Beau Pointreaux, she repeated to herself.

  After class Gracie grabbed Melissa’s elbow with her dainty hand. “Don’t let Drew hear me say it, but he is, like, so cute!” she whisper-screamed in Melissa’s ear.

  “I’d say perfect!” Melissa emphasized. “And”—she raised her eyebrows—“he smells mmmmmm. But it’s not fair for you to like him. One, you already have a boyfriend, and two, you’re so skinny I could never compete!”

  Beau shuffled past them. Melissa and Gracie fell silent, then erupted in uncontrollable giggles.

  “It doesn’t seem exactly fair that he’s in French class,” Gracie griped. “I mean, he’s French. That would be like me taking Mandarin.”

  “He’s not from France!” Melissa laughed. “Lots of people in New Orleans have French heritage, you know, French names.”

  “Oh, I know. Beau Pointreaux? Poor guy. What a name. . . .” Graci
e shook her head.

  “Yeah, what a name,” Melissa cooed. “Anyway, I’m glad he’s in our class.” She tucked her hair behind her ears.

  “I wonder why?” Gracie grinned.

  “Maybe he can tutor me.” Melissa raised her eyebrows.

  “Like you need a tutor, Miss Honor Student.” Gracie shook her head.

  “Here’s me.” Melissa grinned, turning toward her Algebra room.

  “See ya, Yellow,” Gracie called, using Melissa’s nickname that had evolved from calling her Mel, then Mellow, then Mello Yello, and finally just Yellow.

  “Au revoir, Gray,” Melissa lobbed back and darted in her classroom just as the second period bell rang.

  Standing next to the scrawny Mrs. Poppendeck in the front of the classroom was Beau.

  Chapter Three

  “Beat, beat, beat, beat, beat,” Todd repeated as his left foot flexed and tapped the Achilles tendon on his right foot. “And twist, two, three, four.”

  Melissa swiveled her hips in perfect time with the music. When she was on the dance floor, there was nothing else—no school, no parents, no one to please—just music and movement. She felt the music was part of her. Her body itched to move to the notes booming from the speakers. Her adrenaline rushed, and she felt reckless and giddy.

  “Okay, everyone take five while I make an announcement,” said Todd dramatically, wiping the sweat from his mustache with a towel.

  Melissa walked to the back of the gym and pulled a bottled water out of her bag. She cracked the seal and gulped down a third of the bottle before she came up for air. Inhaling and exhaling deeply, she smiled at Lindsey, then walked back toward Todd.

  The team of girls formed a circle around the only male among them. Sweat glistened on all of their fit bodies. Some nodded or smiled, but no one spoke.

  “Soooo,” Todd began, “several of you ladies have been asking about officer auditions for next year.” He paused to sip his water. “Anyone interested in trying out needs to let me know by the end of November.” He tapped the ball of his foot on the floor, then flipped it over so the top side of his toes slapped the hard wood.